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Identity: Conkers.

Age: Introduced to the UK 409 years ago.

Appearance: Nature's Labubu.

No, I don’t think that’s right. It is. Go and watch a TikTok video of someone revealing a conker, and you’ll probably hear them refer to it as “the earth's Labubu”.

Opening up horse chestnuts? What on earth are you talking about? Goodness, you really are out of the loop, aren’t you? Gen Zers are taking to TikTok to film themselves unpeeling conkers from their prickly shells.

What's the reason? Because of the sense of wonder! When you open up a conker, you never know what you’re going to get. Could it be large? Will it be flat? What will its shine level be? It is similar to a surprise package every time!

Do Labubu dolls share those traits? No, they’re somewhat eerie dolls that have become collectible because they are sold in mystery boxes.

Would someone inform gen Z that they are doing conkers wrong? Are they? How do you play with horse chestnuts, then?

You put a shoelace through the middle of them, and try to destroy everyone else’s conkers. Is that true? That’s bizarre.

Yes. You’ll have a much better chance of winning if you soak the conker in vinegar overnight and then heat it in the oven. You're not joking?

Seriously. And should you gather an excess, you can toss them in the schoolyard and all the other kids will fight each other for them. A beautiful, natural thing like a conker, and you use it as a tool for battle? A weapon that comes with a lengthy list of arcane and bewildering rules?

That's the custom! King Charles literally just presented the World Conker Championships with a gift of 300 conkers! At least gen Z is only filming them.

Why don’t you know this? At a guess, because some schools started banning conkers two decades ago, due to various health and safety fears.

The modern world never fails to amaze me. Maybe revealing horse chestnuts just isn’t your thing. In which case, perhaps you would be more interested in some other hot new gen Z trends.

Oh really? Like what? Well, there’s this thing called yarn work, and something else called pottery that I can describe for you.

Those hobbies are ancient! Let me guess, you heat tools in apple drink and then use them to jab one another?

Certainly not! OK, relax. I thought all older generation's pastimes involved violence in some form, after that horse chestnut game.

I feel stressed. Relax for a moment. If you need me, I’ll be unboxing seeds for clicks.

Appropriate comment: “TikTok can’t stop filming conker reveals.”

What to avoid: “This is nuts.”